Athazagoraphobia

Life– Terror. Ecstasy. Fight. Denial. Flight. Failure. PAIN. Forgiveness. Reconciliation. Hope. Love. Peace – Death

The fear of not being remembered, Athazagoraphobia.

It’s a specific phobia characterized by an [intense] anxiety about being forgotten [or losing one’s memories], often stemming from concerns about mortality or the passage of time [drawing nearer to the end of ones life].

Like any phobia it is only in extremity that it becomes a phobia. For most of us it is normal to think about how, or even if, we will be remembered, by our loved ones, friends & colleagues, after we are gone?

I can only assume such feelings are heightened by the realisation of our own mortality, knowing that we are going to die (soon or sooner than expected), i.e. a terminal illness diagnosis.

Some people who are afraid of not being remembered, are afraid that they are not actually loved or cherished as they are now, and when they die, their name will lapse back into irrelevance, they will vanish.

We are afraid that people do not truly love us, that we do not matter to anyone, so it doesn’t matter if we are here or not? To some degree, no matter who you are, you are irrelevant to the lives of the people who come after you. We have all lost loved ones and although we grieve and in some cases never stop grieving, those we grieve are, inevitably, irrelevant to us.

Very few of us become immortal, ‘unforgettables’ for example the musical genius, David Bowie and the evil dictator, Adolf Hitler?

Is that the answer?

We have to be either extremely talented or extremely evil to be remembered after we die? Does it really matter if we are or not remembered, after all it is always only temporary?

1. We will never know, we are dead?

2. Even the most famous and infamous of us, over time, will become irrelevant eventually?

The way we treat people, the role we play in our work, community, our friends and family creates an impression that leaves a mark, ‘our mark’? The memories we create in the now develop into the stories of tomorrow. So even if there isn’t a statue of you adorning the entryway to your estate, hopefully there are great stories about your antics that your friends & family can remember and share.

It is natural to feel the need to want to do something grand to feel like a life was significant. For most of us we have to accept a life without achieving a historical innovation, or conquest. Being a good father, mother, brother, sister, employee, friend can leave a legacy that triggers great memories, and if we are very lucky, no regrets.

What matters for us non-immortals is the now, and the people we are with in the now. The ripple effects YOU have had. If you can accept that, it can be a tremendous relief, it can provide a purpose that makes sense. To fill your life with love, and give and love those around you.

I’m Living my life right now trying to make an impact in any way I can. I would be lying if I said I’m not worrying about if people might remember me when I’m gone, but, more than anything I just want the people around me to know that I did things that made my life worth it? I lived? It will be OK that people in the future won’t care or remember, because people in your life now, the people that matter to you, do. And that’s all you can really hope for and all you really need.

Thanks for Reading

#peace

Please remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.

Please remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you planned:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or play.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile

Christina Rossetti 1830 – 1894