Life – Terror. Ecstasy. Fight. Denial. Flight. Failure. Forgiveness. Reconciliation. Hope. Love. Peace – Death.
– Life <> Death –
Life is short or at least, for many it is not long enough?
For some life is cruelly, and prematurely, short and for others, cruelly and painfully, long.
Personally, I cannot imagine ever wanting to die.
My Blog – I wish to confront my life, my most precious gift.
How can anybody explain, justify, qualify a life, their life choices in only a few paragraphs? Do I have any need or desire to persuade or convince others in order to elicit agreement with, or forgiveness for, my own good (and often bad) life decisions, choices and actions? This narrative is merely a microdot of a life rightly and wrongly lived in order to provide context to emphasise the gift of life itself. What we do with our gift is a far more complicate and longer story.
The Choices and Opportunities we are presented with, and or create are probably the most significant factor in the life we live?
At sixty plus years of age I am old enough to have ‘Lived’. I have had a life.
From time to time and usually, when triggered by a particular high or low life event I have reflected on how my life has worked out thus far?
There is nothing quite like learning you are dying to prompt reflection of the merits of your own life. It is an unwelcome, and almost, reflex, involuntary, process that arrives overwhelmingly, demanding instant attention, action as soon as you find out your bad news.
Reflecting on and reconciling your life is one of the many difficult factors you are forced to confront during the dying process. How have I lived? What have I achieved? Was it enough? Was my life worthwhile? And probably the hardest reconciliation of all, at what cost, at who’s, expense?
I began my self-life reflection the moment I was told I had cancer. 5 years on, I would like to tell you that my reflection is complete. It has only just began.
This blog is the latest incantation. Although a new thing for me it has helped me already in that I have determined many things…. one such thing is that I am giving (my gift) life a really good go! However, my self-determination to ‘live life to the full’ is selfish? Short answer, Yes.
Along the way I have been privileged to have been loved by many people, not least by my truly inspirational and enduring wife with whom we spawned our greatest achievements – two amazing humans.
I have enjoyed not one but two satisfying careers, we have travelled the globe and experienced many of the trappings of a privileged capitalist, contemporary, materialistic existence ….. to all intents most would scream – ‘Living the Dream’, yes, but, at what cost, and at who’s, expense?
Nothing in life is FREE.
Along my way I have worked hard and played hard, sometimes at the expense of others, loved ones who I have, at worse, neglected and at best, deprioritised in order to indulge my choices. Putting myself first.
I look at the world now compared to when I was growing up and I feel shame for not doing more, enough to prevent it from going to shit. Whilst living I didn’t concern myself enough with the people I love and the people I didn’t know exist. I will leave this life, with feelings of regret, fear and trepidation for those I leave behind.
Thank you for reading.