The Results Are In

Life Terror. Ecstasy. Fight. Denial. Flight. Failure. PAIN. Forgiveness. Reconciliation. Hope. Love. Peace – Death.

It’s been six months, almost to the day since my last PSA Test.

PSA tests usually correspond with consultations, a test followed by a consult. On most occasions this will be with a specialist (cancer) nurse, rarely with a (my) consultant oncologist.

No matter how many PSA tests I have, I am always anxious building up to the result. A PSA test is (still) the most widely applied and reliable signifier of the status of advanced prostate cancer. To put it bluntly I get to find out how slowly (quickly)? I am dying.

I try to access my test ‘results’ early, as in, prior to my consultation. I do this via my GP (see previous posts). I am usually apprehensive, nervous, anxious but also sort of, excited?  

I have been feeling unwell of late. Not Covid. Probably just a cold ……probably?

Thing is with cancer, it fucks with your body but it also really fucks with your head? The slightest ‘change’ and it is hard not to think the worse? I am generally unhealthy with several, additional, chronic underlying illnesses (and that doesn’t help).

Some good news of late – I have been accepted onto a long-term Precision Medicine Trial and I am waiting to access another trial, a ‘First in Human‘, Cancer Vaccine trial. A decent PSA (today) would be nice.

In the words of the late, great, Ian Jury Reasons to be cheerful….. 1, 2,& 3’

My last PSA, six months ago (at 1.5) was unusually low (for me). Just a 7% increase from a PSA of 1.3 (usually mine increases by around 30%). I was hoping for similar today, in reality, I would be chuffed with anything under 2.0.

9th February ‘22 – PSA 1.7 (up 13.3%) from 1.5. Under 2.0, an excellent result?

Not as good as last time (7%) but still decent and still, quite a bit, under 2.0, my,self-imposed, threshold for further, active, treatment. I will now not commence Hormone and or Chemotherapy for another six months (probably following my next PSA).

What next?  

Rewrite my questions for the specialist nurse (for my next consultation 3/3/22)? Most of which, I had already prepared, are focused on the various drugs I thought I would be facing following a higher PSA.

I will push for another PSMA-PET scan (my last was in August 2019). A PET scan could reveal any ‘new’ spread (tumors) otherwise undetectable via standard CT & MRI scans. A PET could inform, further, precision, stereotactic radiotherapy. My last bout (December 2019), successful, is possibly the reason my PSA has now slowed?

However, optimistic my latest PSA is, it is disproportionate to the way I feel? I feel like shit. I am in constant pain (not severe pain but 24/7, despite pain relief).

I am tired all of the time. I wake up tired even after 7-8 hours sleep. I become increasingly fatigued as the day progresses. I find it difficult to not fall asleep around 6.30-7.30 most nights. I have, regular mild brain fog episodes. In work, most of the time, I have to check details over and over, I am, regularly, making mistakes, forgetting things?

The most worrying development, I have developed satiety and it is progressing, getting worse (lack of appetite, feeling full after only small amounts of food). Satiety can be caused by, linked to, pancreatic cancer. Although extremely rare prostate cancer can spread to, secondary prostate cancer of the pancreas. TBC.  

Thanks for Reading


Published by Riff

Husband to my inspirational, (long suffering,) wife Gail, father to two, amazing (adult) children, Aubrey & Perri, teacher, former guitarist. When I started this blog I quickly became granda(r) to my beautiful, first grandson Henderson. Grandparenting, something I was relishing but had began to believe I would not get to experience. I now have three incredible grandsons, Henderson, Fennec and just days ago Nate. I Love people. I love my family, my incredible friends, I have love(d) what I do (my Job), I love Music, Glastonbury Festival, Cars, Everton .... I love many things but, most of all, I fucking love life.

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